Lost for words!

How rubbish am I, a whole year and nothing to add on my blog. It's not that the last year has been boring (although it was hardly exciting), I just found other distractions. I am in awe of these people who fill cyberspace with whimsy and photos of impossibly active lives. Even as I type this there are great lulls of inactivity as I wonder what I should have for lunch and ponder what to wear to a party tomorrow night.

I have not been in-active during my hiatus, in fact I did a lot more work and more shows than usual. Just glad to get the creative juices flowing again after all the trauma of 2009. On that note I shall be going into hospital next week for an elected mastectomy and a double re-construction which will give me back some shape, I also get the bonus of a tummy tuck - yippee!

So, if you don't hear from me for any length of time be assured that I am busy doing something more interesting!

2010 and all that

Happy New Year!  I’m not going to expound on the possibilities of things going really well in the next twelve months,  I did that last year and boy did it go tit’s up, so to speak!

 

Hope you all had a lovely time over the holidays.  Mine was relatively quiet though not so that I didn’t manage to over-indulge.  There is no other time of year when it seems perfectly acceptable to have five ‘Quality Street’ for breakfast!  I weighed myself recently and of course the dial went berserk, no surprises there.  I’ve gained a stone.  Obviously I’m not proud of my achievement but by the same token it hasn’t all been my fault.  I did spend a lot of last year flat on my back feeling too tired to get any proper exercise.  On a good note the excess flab will come in handy when I have a breast construction later in the year.

 

I’m off to a slow start creatively but hope it’ll pick up along with the weather, which is really not helping.   I do apologise for having the slowest blog.  I keep meaning to update it but you know how it is, I go to make a cup of coffee and the next minute a month has gone by!

 

Stay tuned….

Non Toxic!

It was a long and tough six months but the chemo is now done.  Yee hah and much love and thanks to all the lovely staff and fellow patients on the Nick Jonas ward at Winchester, you're the best!   

It'll be a while yet before I feel my old self, I  still have a mouth dryer than a nun in a desert but I'm beginning to feel more human by the day.  It's too early to tell but I think my hair will be completely grey when it comes back which would probably be a source of much distress to most ladies of my age but could prove a boon to me because I've hankered for platinum blond hair for as long as I can remember.  At the moment there is a white dusting of fuzz all over my head .....oh please!  I'm also wondering if my taste for chocolate will come back, at the moment I can't stand to be within sight of the stuff.  It  has been interesting how the chemo has given me cravings and especially dislikes.  Not only do I go off something but I want the offending item removed from the premises?  Alas, the lack of chocolate in my life of late does not translate to a more svelte figure, I have definately packed too much to travel with.  My sense of taste has been so dulled that I have craved salt, sugar and spice.  I have also eaten out more times in the last six months than I have done in years.  I've got a belly buddha would be proud of!  Time to start thinking of getting some exercise and then maybe one day actually doing it!

 

Yawn!

I’ve been rather quite of late, no excuse except a general dis-interest in all things thanks to the effects of chemotherapy.  I sleep a lot and dream things that if I could only remember them clearly enough would keep Doctor Who in storylines forever.  It’s the drugs I’m sure though I’ve always had weird dreams.  Whenever people wish me well and hope my dreams come true, they are in fact encouraging me to walk naked through a room full of people into a post apocoliptic landscape that is both Yorkshire and Moscow where the sky rains pepsi and I am desparately trying to type a page of numbers before my bus arrives.  The bus is a plane, is a bird, is an elevator hanging by a thread overlooking downtown Manhatten and I am trapped with Michael Stipe and a bag of jellyfish!  Discuss!

So anyway I’ve been doing very little except reading and lying down.  My Mother and sister are big fans of the crime fiction genre, the more gory and descriptive the better.  They send me their offcasts and I devour them in a day or two which might also explain my current demeanour.  I should perhaps be reading something light and fluffy with a rainbow at the end. 

How different we look without hair?  I’m not completely bald, still enough fuzz on there to make me human Velcro with everything from loose threads to pollen finding me rather attractive.  Folks who choose to have their heads shaved to this degree must be slightly masochistic because it prickles when you put your head on a pillow and it’s amazing how cold your head feels without a blanket of hair.  On a good note, haven’t had to shave my legs in weeks!

The story so far...

It's been a while since I last updated this blog.  I had my surgery and aside from a few hiccups I'm doing ok.  It's strange to come to terms with one side of your chest being concave but even that isn't as shocking as suddenly having an all too clear view of your pot belly!

I start chemo tomorrow so I'm spoiling myself with chocolate and rubbish telly today.  No matter how crap you feel, just watching  the Jeremy Kyle Show is enough to make you happy with your lot!

You wanna piece of me?!

This has been a hell of a week.   You often wonder how you will react if it ever happened to you, if you are the one in seven?  Well, I found out the hard way and it's completely surreal.   Last month I found a lump and four days from now I lose my right breast and then later my hair.  Breast cancer, just like my sister Maddy.   So far the hardest bit has been telling people.  Just putting it out there where it makes everyone feel scared and uncomfortable.   Still, now you know it means I can get on with things.

There is no easy way of coming to terms with a mastectomy so I have tried to address my feelings by making a boob to replace the one I am about to lose.  It may seem sick to some people but this way, when I am feeling down I can look across at it and think...ah, there you are!  The  work is called: You wanna piece of me?! which I think is suitably defiant.