A new me?

I've been feeling a bit compressed lately.  I was carrying a couple of parcels to the post office the other day when I stepped off a shallow kerb and jarred my back.  I'm at that age now when bouncing back is not an option, the shock absorbers have well and truly worn out.  After a few really uncomfortable nights trying to get some sleep I finally made an appointment to see the chiropractor.  It's a pleasure/pain thing, you know it's going to hurt but you welcome it just so you can get your shoulders out from under your chin at last!

Everything started out well but as she released the tension in one area I began to tense up in another.  Nothing to do with her technique but rather the action of releasing pressure on muscles can suddenly fill you with a dreadful need to fart!  I managed to disguise the first spasm as a need to sneeze but soon had to fess up because I was in danger of exploding.  "oh yes" she says, "it's a common side effect, just let it go and I'll open the window!"

WHAT?   NOOOOOOOO.......NEVER!!!

I'm not saying there haven't been moments when a wheeze of methane has escaped my person but to put on a wanton orchestration in front of an audience is certainly not one of the twenty things I wish to do before I die!  I simply did what all 'Ladies' should do and performed internal origami until I was sure all the bubbles had burst.

Anyway, where was I...oh yes, the chiropractor, she works wonders.  I go in like the missing link and come out a good inch taller and able to see my feet again.  Speaking of taller, a recent visit to the doctor for a check up resulted in me being 5'5" and not 5'4" as I had always been told.  I was not only taller but this meant that I was a good square further away from the morbidly obese gauge on the weight chart.  Alas my thrill was short lived when I realised that she'd measured me with my shoes still on and though they are flat she didn't know I had my in-steps in them - bugger!